Controlling Stress

Unexpected income changes are among the most stressful events a person can experience. Losing your crops and livestock due to drought can have the same effect as unemployment, a disaster, divorce or the death of someone you love. It can be personally devastating and can trigger the same type of reactions.

Personal Crises are Stressful

In a personal crisis, you may feel tense and angry. You may have mood swings and find yourself lashing out at others. Feelings of frustration can lead to family arguments. Or you may feel depressed and discouraged. These feelings may be normal and common. Other family members usually share some or all of you emotions, either directly or indirectly. While sharing your feelings of loss and despair, they may also have to deal with your depression, frustration and anger.

Allow yourself and other family members to express feelings. Don't talk about "snapping out of it." This denies the seriousness of someone's feelings. If you or a family member are having trouble working through your feelings, use the section of this leaflet that addresses Accepting Your Feelings.

A personal crisis may force you to make rapid changes in your life. It can disrupt your habits and normal routines and give you too much or not enough free time. Maintain your daily routines as much as you possibly can. Try to fill your time in satisfying and rewarding ways. Volunteering to help with community projects that create positive outcomes can be motivating and encouraging. For example, producers who have mechanical and building skills could team up to make repairs or build things the county government, schools or churches might otherwise have to pay to have done. Senior adults in the community could benefit from home improvements or other maintenance services. Working with schools to help youth learn about the math and science in ag production could help your children's friends see your special ability and have greater appreciation for work you normally do.

Time normally spent in production responsibilities could be spent with your children, spouse or other family members you typically do not have time to enjoy. Work on household projects that you haven't had time to do. Read up on a topic you've wanted to learn more about.

Every member of the family feels stress during tough times. Support and communicate with one another. Some roles and responsibilities may need to be changed until the crisis is over. Be flexible and willing to try new things. Studies show families who meet challenges head on are to most likely to successfully cope with crises.

Change can be difficult, but all family members need to pull together during a crisis.

Take Care of Yourself

In order to better cope with stress, keep your body healthy. Eat balanced meals, get enough sleep and exercise regularly.

One approach to coping with stress overload is to take a break from the stressful situation. Here are some suggestions:

• Take a walk.

• Watch a movie.

• Listen to music.

• Spend time on yourself -- take a long bubble bath or shower.

• Work in the yard or garden.

• Work on your favorite hobby, or start a new one.

• Jog, dance or participate in some other physical activity.

Another approach is to take action to reduce excess muscle tension by using relaxation exercises. Although relaxation exercises do not get at the causes of stress overload, they provide a physical release from tension.

Learning to achieve the relaxation response is a skill that takes practice. Practice the technique at least twice a day. Follow these guidelines:

• Find a quiet place.

• Get into a comfortable position - lie down on the floor or sit with uncrossed legs.

• Breathe easily and naturally.

• Keep muscles loose, limp and relaxed.

Easy Relaxation Techniques

• Controlled Breathing

• Sit or lie comfortably in a relaxed position. As you slowly breathe in, let your chest expand. Think of it as a balloon filling with air. As you exhale, let the air out of your "balloon" slowly. Place your hands on your stomach. You should feel it rise and fall as you breathe. Exhaling carbon dioxide is as important as breathing in oxygen.

Slower Respiration Rate

• Slow down your breathing rate by seeing how few times you can breathe each 60 seconds. When you begin to get tense, take a few minutes and simply slow your breathing down to about three to six breaths per minute.

Shoulder Exercise

• Try to touch your ears with your shoulders. Hold it for a count of four. Then let your shoulders drop. Now rotate each shoulder separately toward the rear. Do each shoulder five to 10 times. Then do both shoulders together.

Massage

• Massage the back of your neck, concentrating on the part that feels tense. Cup your thumbs at the front of your neck and massage on both sides of your spinal column, letting your head fall limply back against your rotating fingers. Use your fingers to massage around your hairline and under your jaws and your cheekbones.

Mental Vacation

• Enjoy the pleasures of a vacation through your imagination. First, close your eyes and think of some place where you would like to be. Then go there in your mind's eye. Perhaps you will go alone. Or you might imaging being with someone. You may be quietly watching the sunset, mountain, woods or an ocean. Or you may be active in hunting shells or rocks, hiking, playing some sport or game, climbing a mountain or cycling. Enjoy the experience.

Recognizing and Accepting Your Feelings

People respond to a crisis with many feelings: anger, anxiety, outrage, self doubt. They may be hostile -- lashing out at those closest to them. Or, they may become moody and depressed. Their tension may show up as restlessness, loss of appetite, loss of interest in sex, insomnia, and feelings of apathy and exhaustion. While some of these symptoms may be unpleasant, they are normal, predictable reactions of people experiencing a loss or critical change in their lives.

Recognizing these strong feelings, understanding why they may be present, and dealing with them in positive ways are important. Refusing to accept your feelings can cause physical and emotional damage.

The first step in accepting feelings is to sort out and identify your feelings. Some feelings -- often those that are painful -- may become so buried you may not even be aware they exist.

Reasons for Your Anger

One of the first feelings you will probably identify is anger. Anger is a powerful emotion that is often viewed negatively. Unchecked, it can escalate into a rage that may erupt in damaging emotional outbursts or be unleashed on family members.

Unchecked anger can be an emotional "time bomb" exploding when triggered by little things such as a glass of spilled milk or a spouse asking how the job hunt went today.

Looking beyond the anger, you may begin to uncover many other emotions hidden underneath. Anger may stem from feelings of failure, being unappreciated, exploited, manipulated, uncared for or humiliated. It may be caused by feelings of helplessness, worthlessness, frustration, anxiety, guilt, fear or resentment.

Once you begin to look at the variety of feelings behind the anger and to understand the hidden feelings, you can find ways to express your feelings in a positive manner.

Getting Rid of Your Anger

Look behind your anger. Remember exactly where you were when you first felt it. Who was with you? How did you feel at the time?

Ask yourself if your anger is reasonable. Are you expecting too much from yourself or someone else? Are you looking at your situation objectively?

Look at your reaction to the anger. Was the behavior justified? Did it increase your stress level or threaten your relationship with those around you? If so, look immediately for appropriate ways to discharge your anger. Talk to others about your feelings, change what you can about your situation, view it more realistically, or use relaxation techniques to vent your stress.

Anger is often fueled by blame. Blaming yourself or others is a way to avoid the real problem. The energy you spend blaming could be better spent on working to understand your feelings.

Damage to Self-Esteem

Feeling good about yourself, or having high self-esteem, is one of the most valuable assets you can have. Self-esteem develops as we grow from childhood into adulthood. The love and acceptance we get from parents, family members and friends shapes our self-esteem. It's linked to how competent and successful we feel.

Having positive feelings about yourself is easier when things go well. When things take a turn for the worse, you often lose some of your self-confidence and begin to doubt yourself.

Whether it's your first experience with tough times, or you have been there before, you may feel a sense of loss that extends well beyond losing your income. Work contributes to your identity. It helps define who you are and makes you part of a larger community. Working helps you feel you belong and are important because you have something to contribute.

In many ways, losing your crops or livestock, which may be all or part of your income, is like losing a part of yourself. Your lifestyle suddenly changes. Schedules and routines that controlled a large part of your time are no longer there. You lose contact with former neighbors and friends.

Many people who go through unplanned work changes report going through a process of grief and mourning in response to their work loss. This loss is characterized by stages of denial, anger, depression and finally acceptance. With the help of those around them, most people eventually work out ways to dealing with their feelings. They make adjustments that help them recover from their loss and put it in perspective.

Understanding Your Feelings

If you are not used to thinking about your feelings, identifying them during this stressful period may be difficult. The following activity may help you recognize and accept your feelings.

Use the chart that follows to list feelings you may have experienced since your life situation changed. As you read over the list, think about which feelings you have experienced and when you experienced them. Remember, it's okay to have these feelings. They are all natural reactions to a difficult situation. Recognizing their existence and accepting them is important to your mental health.

Thinking About Your Feelings

Steps to Accepting Your Feelings

Recognize your feelings; don't try to ignore them. Although it's sometimes painful, confronting your feelings and looking realistically at your situation are important steps in the coping process.

Talk with your family. The feelings you have may be shared by other family members. By talking about your feeling, you can help each other express, vent and accept these feelings in constructive ways. Together you can provide support and reassurance to one another that can help build more positive self-esteem.

Talk with others. Don't keep your feelings bottled up inside. Talking to others who have been or who are in similar situations can provide needed support. By discussing your feelings, you'll find you're not alone.

Take mental health breaks. Think of ways to reduce the emotional tensions and stress you are experiencing. Take some time for the things you enjoy. Include regular exercise in your daily routine to help you work off your worries and help your overall well-being.

Make the most of your time. Don't get in the habit of sleeping late or spending your time in front of the television. How many times in the past have you wished you had more time to spend with your kids, to work on projects around the house, visit friends, go fishing or catch up on some reading? When stress is high and you're feeling down, you may not be in the mood to try new things. But these feelings don't last forever. Once you have worked them through, put your time to good use. Working on projects, starting a hobby or doing volunteer work can help you feel more productive and may lead to new income opportunities.

Evaluate your situation. If it looks like your situation may be permanent, shift gears and begin looking for other types of work. You may want to get help analyzing your skills and finding out about any additional training that can help you qualify for another job or career. Doing this before your resources run out can increase your prospects for new employment or income options.

Recognize the need for professional help. The feelings associated with income loss are very powerful and may be difficult to deal with on your own. Talking to a trained professional can help you work through your feelings and restore your self-esteem. If professional counseling services are not listed in your telephone directory, visit with your minister, a school counselor or an employment counselor for recommendations and possible assistance.

The following symptoms indicate a need for outside help:

• Feeling depressed. Signs are crying for no reason, lack of personal care, feeling as if you don't want to do anything, fatigue, unreasonable fears, inability to concentrate, change in appetite.

• Changing sleeping patterns...sleeping constantly, difficulty falling asleep, waking a lot during the night and too early in the morning.

• Abusing family members.

• Thinking about suicide.

• Disciplining too harshly.

• Hallucinating, hearing voices or seeing things that are not there.

• Considering separation from your spouse.

• Thinking of nothing good to say.

• Drinking excessive amounts of alcohol, drinking in the morning, hiding liquor so no one knows you are drinking, drinking more than two or three drinks or beers every night.

• Feeling guilty, as though you aren't being a good parent to your kids.

• Experiencing isolation. You don't know anyone to talk to and you have a strong need to talk to someone.

• Making excuses for your situation or lying about your situation.

• Having attacks when you feel extremely panicky or having a high pulse rate and difficulty breathing.

• Feeling overwhelmed by life.

Before your problems become too big to handle, find a trained, skilled counselor to help you and your family cope with this crisis. A family counselor can help you handle your fears, adjust to your present situation, and plan adequately for the future. Health insurance may help pay for the counseling costs. Some counselors charge on a sliding scale -- depending on your ability to pay. Your minister may provide counseling at no cost to you.

References

Boelter, Linda. Managing Between Jobs - Deciding Which Bills to Pay First. University of Wisconsin - Extension and Oneida County UW 1994.

Crawford, C. and Smith, L. E. Getting Through Tough Times - Controlling Stress, University of Illinois Cooperative Extension Service., 1994.

Crawford, C. and Smith, L. E. Getting Through Tough Times - Accepting Your Feelings, University of Illinois Cooperative Extension Service., 1994.

Coping With Unemployment, Texas Agricultural Extension Service, 1986.

Coping With Job Loss. IRS Newsletter, University of Michigan. 1987.

Corfman, Eunice. Families Today. U.S. Department of Health, Education and Welfare. 1979.

Curran, D. Stress and the Healthy Family. San Francisco, CA: Harper San Francisco Division of Harper-Collins Publisher, 1987.

Gith Owens, J. . The Stress Connection. National 4-H Council. 1981.

Kramer, C. S. And Martin, M. J. Controlling Stress: When Your Income Drops. Kansas State University Cooperative Extension Service, 1982.

Mauer. H. Not Working: An Oral History of the Unemployed. 1979.

Soderman, A., editor, The Stress Press. Michigan State University Vol 2, No. 1. 1983.

Soderman, A., editor, The Stress Press. Michigan State University Vol 2, No. 4. 1983.

Weigel, R. , May. S. and Abbott. B. Stress Management - Taking Charge. 1984.

Contact your local Texas Agricultural Extension Agents' office for copies of other sections of this manual. The address and phone number can be found in the yellow pages of your phone book under "governmental offices - county."